Keeping a Mate Happy Aboard

[Rez]

The single element which has made my best relationship experiences work - land or sea - is that both of us were genuinely interested in what the other person had to say - we were genuinely interested in each other.

[GordMay]

As a result of a near mutiny, the overbearing and arrogant captain (who shall remain anonymous) was forced to see a psychiatrist, by order of the Admiral.
As soon as I became comfortable on the couch, the psychiatrist began the session by asking, "Why don't you start at the beginning?"
I replied, " Okay. In the beginning I created heaven and the earth......."

oops!

[rtbates]

After a long hard honeymoon jog across the gulf stream all the while Bev, my wife is feeding the fish we arrive in the Bahamas and tie up at the dock in Bimini. The next morning we are disturbed by the sound of an airplane? And it sounds like it's about to land? After poking my head out of the hatch and seeing the Chaulks Seaplane land we had the answer! I single hand the boat to paradise. Bev flies in and enjoys the daysailing and harbor hopping.. All is right with our world once again...Not everyone likes the motion of the ocean. And now we have a way for us both to be happy...

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by rtbates

After a long hard honeymoon jog across the gulf stream ... we had the answer! I single hand the boat to paradise. Bev flies in and enjoys the daysailing and harbor hopping.. All is right with our world once again...

A surprisingly common solution, that I've seen repeated dozens of times.

Obviously, not for for the very constrained budget, but very practable for the more "comfortable" cruiser.

[RTAFT]

I am a woman who recently divorced a good guy because he did not share my dream to sail the globe. I am now married to someone whos shares my dream. My ex husband would have gone with me, but it wouldnt have been his dream too- I would have been dragging him aboard. I think you have to meet someone who already has the dream to cruise, and not try to drag anyone or convince anyone. Go to Offshore Passage Opportunities: Halesite, New York and request some crew to go with you, asking specifically for someone who is willing to cook...maybe you will meet someone. My now husband did.

[Lorianne Davies]

Originally Posted by seagypsywoman

Has any man here tried flattery as in "you're the most beautiful woman in the world and I am crazy about you," flowers, jewelry and perfume? Works for me every time. Women are simple creatures.

Diamonds are good....used to pawn them for marine electronics.

[Gadagirl]

I find this thread very interesting. I’ve learned form both gender’s point of view. I believe trust evolves through good communication. The ability to convey knowledge, opinions, thoughts, affection and emotion through words and/or actions is important. Jewelry, perfume, flowers are great! More important are the priceless actions that don’t cost a dime. Simple acts of genuine kindness, perhaps are not material, but in my experience they endure and strengthen. Things can be lost, ruined, or wilt and die. Memories can last a life time.

A line from the Dave Mathew’s song “Ants Marching”

She thinks; “We look at each other, wondering what the other is thinking. Never saying a thing, and these crimes between us grow deeper”

[GordMay]

Coded Communications:

I try to say exactly what I mean, but Maggie, like the Captain & Elaine below, often "hears" something entirely different. Communication isn't always easy.

***

"Skipper," the sailor said to his captain as he saluted, "a special message just came in for you from the admiral. I have it right here."

"Read it to me," the captain ordered. The sailor read, "You are without a doubt the most idiotic, lame-brained officer ever to command a ship in the United States Navy."

The skipper responded, "Have that communication decoded at once!"

***

Then, there’s Roger & Elaine:

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . ..February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their .... . .

''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.

''What?'' says Roger, startled.

''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so . .... . ''

(She breaks down, sobbing.)

''What?'' says Roger.

''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

''There's no horse?'' says Roger.

''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.

''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

''Yes,'' he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.

''What way?'' says Roger.

''That way about time,'' says Elaine.

''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.

''Thank you,'' says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''

[Pelagic]

Scary but true Gord…..btw….how’s the transmission?

[Tom Spohn]

This is interesting since women share some characteristics that make them different from men, but again they are all individuals that make them unique. My wife was so wimpy in High School that she was routinely excused from Phys Ed. class due to back pains, etc. Since our marriage she now hikes, climbs mountains (3 times up Mt Rainier), bicycles long distances (3 times on the Seattle to Portland ride of 200 miles in one day), skis at the advanced level, and she sails and cruises with me, both weekends and for a month at a time. As she learned each of these new activities she started out apprehensively, believing she could not learn them. She needed quite a bit more time to repeat new skills and did not learn at all from reading about them. She had to experience the activity over and over again till she was confident. In the case of sailing her greatest fear seems to be, "What would I do if something happened to you?". To help with this anxiety we practise a lot with her doing all the positions. She routinely steers, trims the sails, docks the boat, etc. It helped me to take the perspective that it was OK if she damaged the boat although she never has. What is important is what we share together and she does best when she feels she is a contributing member of the team. She still needs to remember when to push and when to pull the tiller, to push in the fuel cut off when starting the engine and so on, but she get it done. Just like guys, women benefit from acomplishing a task they originally though was beyond them.

[slomotion]

Originally Posted by Tom Spohn

She routinely steers, trims the sails, docks the boat, etc.

Uh, be careful here. You do not want her to sail off without you (or train your replacement).

Oh sure, I agree that wives should be able to do ‘almost’ everything related to cruising on a sailboat. But, some critical things must remain the exclusive province of the husband. It doesn’t really matter what these things are; they just have to be important enough to make you look indispensable.

For example, only I, with my bifocalled eagle eyes, can spot coral heads when entering an unfamiliar anchorage. Since this is a partnership, I encourage her to believe that only she can properly interpret and properly respond to my last-second frantic hand signals. It is, of course, only I who can dive on an anchor and pronounce it "probably set OK." Only I can decipher the mysteries of weather faxes. Of course, only she can decide "I don’t care about the weather window, we’re going to the Two Turtles because it’s band night - and besides, Suzie's gonna show me how to polish sea beans."

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by GordMay

''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

''There's no horse?'' says Roger.

''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''

Brilliant

[beau]

my ex wife always said the best thing I ever did was start making my own vodka. Then one day she asked me to show her how i did it.
Three months later she was gone.

[senormechanico]

Originally Posted by RTAFT

I am a woman who recently divorced a good guy because he did not share my dream to sail the globe. I am now married to someone whos shares my dream.

Where were you in 1970? I looked but couldn't find you!!!

Steve B.

[senormechanico]

Tom,

Let me know if you ever get a divorce.



Steve B. <sarcasm-married 38 years>