What Would You Do If You Lost Your Partner?

[SmartMove]

Originally Posted by bethflkys

Robyn, Thank you so much for mentioning the Women Who Sail facebook group! I didn't know it existed. I just joined it.

You are welcome! It is a great group and as I understand it a spin off, so to speak, of this fourm.

[Teknav]

A person will perceive you as a threat if he/she has little or no higher education in addition to not having any marketable skills to earn a decent living.

Mauritz

[SmartMove]

But out here we are all just cruisers, so what would be the criteria to determine who is threatening?

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by SmartMove

But out here we are all just cruisers, so what would be the criteria to determine who is threatening?

Not so with some gringas I've observed. An attractive, intelligent, single female will put them on the defensive. Interesting that women in 2014 still feel so dependent on a male that they must defend their "security".

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by SmartMove

so what would be the criteria to determine who is threatening?

Sorry to be direct but

Tight butt, nicely shaped headlights, god gams (cheap detective novel jargon), exhibiting an attitude of willingness

Plus more that others can think of. The above doesn't have to true at all, it just needs to be PERCEIVED as being true. It's really just a sign of our own inferiority

[Annie in WA]

Carsten, to get back to your paperwork post, do you think the document should be translated and notarized?

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by Annie in WA

Carsten, to get back to your paperwork post, do you think the document should be translated and notarized?

I wouldn't bother translating. English is (as in air travel) the maritime language. I would have it notarized. Stamps and signatures make everything much more official.

It has happened to cruisers that the survivor got kicked off the boat waiting for an estate to settle. A notary fee is miniscule .

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by carstenb

I have no idea how the laws work in the US, although I suspect it is different from state to state. As soon as you leave the US, however, local country laws come into effect. Among them are impoundment while awaiting settlement of the estate (this can take a very long time, and end up being very expensive as documents need to be translated, filed and usually you need a local lawyers help etc) In the meantime, the authorities might take the view that since they are impounding the boat, the survivor can't live on it. Now what?

Many countries take the concept of the Master of the boat (captain) quite seriously. A short document similar to what I have noted earlier, clears a hell of a lot of hurdles out of the way. The survivor is now officially Master of the boat, with authority to do what they want with the boat.

If you don't think my document goes far enough, add another document, co-signed by both owners directing that the First Mate become Captain and does what they want with the boat.

It is a simple document, and notarization costs almost nothing.

I think I get it now.
Thanks.

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by SmartMove

Therapy, what Carsten said above is what I am referring to. But I also realize we should have copies of our wills and the LLC documentation on board. I did think to bring our marriage certificate though.

Robyn

I don't really know why but carrying originals of things that only stay in a safe deposit box makes me nervous.

Do most carry originals in case "only the original" will do. Or so I have heard.

[SmartMove]

Originally Posted by Therapy

I don't really know why but carrying originals of things that only stay in a safe deposit box makes me nervous.



Do most carry originals in case "only the original" will do. Or so I have heard.

Actually, I was thinking copies of the wills, but the original of the LLC papers. But maybe it is easier to the dissolve the LLC now and have both our names on the USCG documentation.

I agree, keeping originals on the boat is a scary thought!

Robyn

[Aquarella]

I was actually the original poster of this question on Women who sail. I have been overwhelmed by the response both there and here. The question has clearly engaged and touched many sailing couples, so even though the subject is a very sad thought, I am glad I posted it and that it also has been reposted here. The response shows that there is a need to talk about it and be prepared. My husband and captain died last year after he suddenly (overnight) lost his mind owing to Herpes Simplex Encephalitis. We were at anchor in Greece.
Needless to say I was devastated and it was heartbreaking to return to the boat without him. I decided nevertheless to carry on sailing despite all the difficulties and many hurdles to get over. After only one summer of sailing alone from anchorage to anchorage I can honestly say I don't regret keeping the boat. I have more contact with people at an anchorage than I've ever had at home in a house. I have now started a series of lectures at yacht clubs where I tell other sailing couples my story and let them know the necessity of preparing for the worst. If I had been better prepared to handle the boat on my own I could have got help quicker than I did. It would also have been easier for me now. If only I had insisted on my husband teaching me everything he knew about the boat and engine as long as he was able to. Suddenly it was too late.
I have a blog where I have written the whole story and there is also a selfie video of me sailing. I'm not allowed to post a link here but you can find it if you google yachtswoman blogspot and sailing on- singlehanded.

[virginia boy]

Originally Posted by Teknav

A person will perceive you as a threat if he/she has little or no higher education in addition to not having any marketable skills to earn a decent living.

Mauritz

I guess I fall into both categories (uneducated/broke-ass)

While it might on the surface appear trifling or mean spirited to keep a widow at arms length, it's just seems like common sense to view a recent widow(er) as a threat. It's quite possible that the survivor would be emotionally unstable, lonely, prone to poor decision making, etc. People are people and sometimes they aren't always honest, so while I expect any decent person would try to console the bereaved..It would be prudent to be wary.

[SmartMove]

Originally Posted by Aquarella

I was actually the original poster of this question on Women who sail. I have been overwhelmed by the response both there and here. The question has clearly engaged and touched many sailing couples, so even though the subject is a very sad thought, I am glad I posted it and that it also has been reposted here. The response shows that there is a need to talk about it and be prepared. My husband and captain died last year after he suddenly (overnight) lost his mind owing to Herpes Simplex Encephalitis. We were at anchor in Greece.
Needless to say I was devastated and it was heartbreaking to return to the boat without him. I decided nevertheless to carry on sailing despite all the difficulties and many hurdles to get over. After only one summer of sailing alone from anchorage to anchorage I can honestly say I don't regret keeping the boat. I have more contact with people at an anchorage than I've ever had at home in a house. I have now started a series of lectures at yacht clubs where I tell other sailing couples my story and let them know the necessity of preparing for the worst. If I had been better prepared to handle the boat on my own I could have got help quicker than I did. It would also have been easier for me now. If only I had insisted on my husband teaching me everything he knew about the boat and engine as long as he was able to. Suddenly it was too late.
I have a blog where I have written the whole story and there is also a selfie video of me sailing. I'm not allowed to post a link here but you can find it if you google yachtswoman blogspot and sailing on- singlehanded.

Aquarella, thank you for sharing your story over here too. Your post on WWS made really think about things none of us really like to think about. I re-posted here because I was curious about what the men would say and wondering what the women on here thought. Thank you for your post and the dialog it has started.

Robyn

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by Aquarella

...Suddenly it was too late.
...

Losing my wife reinforced my view that reality is fragile and subject to sudden change. I try to remember to be more concious of that and appreciate every day...not always successfully (like engine work all day yesterday).

Also, a reminder for those who have not lost a spouse yet, appreciate every day you have...it may be the last.

[keepondancin]

Originally Posted by belizesailor

Losing my wife reinforced my view that reality is fragile and subject to sudden change. I try to remember to be more concious of that and appreciate every day...not always successfully (like engine work all day yesterday).

Also, a reminder for those who have not lost a spouse yet, appreciate every day you have...it may be the last.

So true. You become a lost soul instantly, and the path to find normalcy is very long. try to live your life so you have no regrets.